So today I'm having a really hard time with everything. We still do not have our LOA for Shepherd so there is no progress there. It seems to be looking more and more like we will travel later than expected which gets us too close to Sawyer's birthday in this Mama's opinion. There should be no logical reason for it to take this long, but no one ever said international adoption was a logical process. It is dreary outsidem I am tired, and my husband leaves for Germany on Saturday for a week. Life is kind of sucking right now for me.
Do you ever have that feeling that you KNOW God is in charge, but you just want to tweak his plan a bit? That's where I am right now. I am constantly worrying about money, travel, Scott going for one and me for the other, being in China on my own, my two boys who will still be here, bills, and the list goes on and on...I have received several little "clues" from God today such as the FCA devotional in which the first line was "be still and know that I am God". Then my mom said she made something for me which was a cute picture frame with the following saying "Good Morning, This is God! I will be handling all of your problems today. I WILL NOT need your help, so please have a Blessed Day!" Well, slap me silly!! So, why don't I feel a lot better. I think each time I reach for Him, I have to let go of my stressful hold on reality and it feels like I am falling. It's that Leap of Faith thing I have always struggled with...I claim it is because I am afraid of heights but we all know it is because I am a control freak!
So, I am going to have a crappy day today and try to follow the words of one of my favorite professors "hold it with a loose hand", try to give as much to Him as possible and pray that I can let the rest of it go too. I think God can handle my inadequacies. If you have a spare word or two in your prayers today...I would appreciate you throwing my name in there. Some days it's just hard to be a Mama.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but cut yourself some slack. Did you ever notice that every faithful person in the Bible questions and gets angry with God? If it worked out for them-Moses, Jesus, etc., then it will work out for you. Hope I've put a smile on your face.
ReplyDeleteRuby
I know how it feels and it really stinks, doesn't it? You'll be in my prayers, and things WILL get better. I think you're very brave for signing up to go through this all again...twice! Remember last time around, often it was right after a low point that we got some good news. Hopefully that pattern will hold true this time too!
ReplyDeleteRuby - your comments always put a smile on my face! Thank you so much for bringing everything into perspective - again! I'll get it one day!!
ReplyDeleteKimberly - I miss going through this with you.
Its hard waiting. I am sorry your feeling low! But remember when you get those boys this time will be nothing! Try and do the things you need to do to prepare yourself for the journey ahead. i will be praying for you!
ReplyDelete