First, let me state, for the record, I am a NORMAL person. I do, however, have a few, shall we say - idiosyncrasies which require explanation for some. The most prominent rule of life I have is the 29 banana rule; named, affectionately, by my dear hubby who thinks it's funny - ha, ha!!
I have decided to start with the 29 banana rule because I have been asked by multiple people how the adoption of Shepherd came about. And, although, all of our adoptions are faith based, the 29 banana rule played a large part in why we are adopting Shepherd. So, at the risk of embarrassing and/or labeling myself as a freak :0), I will share the 29 banana rule with you.
A few years ago, we had a church breakfast function and we were all asked to bring something (the benefit of being in a small church). We volunteered to bring bananas mainly because I really didn't want to cook. So, that morning we went to Wal-mart. I feel you should always bring fresh bananas to a function. We had no idea how many bananas to bring so we just started grabbing good healthy bunches. At one point, I suggested we count to see how many we had gathered. Well, there were 29. Don't ask me why but this really bothered me. My dear husband just laughed...in the middle of Wal-mart...really loudly...with a snort even!! But, I would not be deterred. I knew we COULD NOT take 29 bananas to church. I had no logical reason; it was just a feeling. So, after he caught his breath, Scott agreed to pick out a few more bananas to make it a more acceptable number. I think we ended up taking 34 (because I also had difficulty separating bunches) but it wasn't 29 so I was ok.
So, other than worrying my bloggy world friends about my mental health, what's my point? Well, I'm not sure I can portray this eloquently so I am just going to go for honesty. It is a matter of faith, faith in your gut, faith in a feeling, a leap of faith even. We have been fortunate to find our boys in truly God centered ways. When adopting Simon, we initially visited an agency to discuss adopting a girl under age three and had never heard of special needs. When God brought us Sawyer, he did so through a dear friend with our agency who just "felt" she needed to send me the picture of him. So, how did we find Shepherd, and more to the point, why did we find Shepherd? The simple answer - 29 banana rule.
Simon is about 3.5 years older than Sawyer with Samuel being almost 2 years older than Simon. Although we knew God had led us to Sawyer, I had concerns with him being able to attach to the boys and even play given his medical condition and other unknowns. So, as many adoptive parents do, I looked at different advocacy websites and read the stories of different children. Wondering...praying for direction...feeling like there was a piece I was missing. When I would talk to Scott, he would say "no" gently, but a no is still a no. He said he felt three was enough for now, especially since we had not planned to adopt so soon after Simon. Weeks passed and I still felt something tugging at my heart so I asked to see a couple of files, but nothing clicked. And, although Scott would say they were cute, he did not feel the same tug I did.
Then, I heard it. The same pull, tug, something in my gut telling me there was another child. I spoke with our agency rep (great, God centered, amazing Laura) and told her my feelings. Without even saying anything to me, I knew she understood and knew I had her prayers. Time to talk with Scott again. I explained I had been praying and felt God was leading us to another "gulp" son. Scott said he understood my desire but he just didn't feel led. So, I, in my ever honest and upfront way, told him he needed to pray harder. He, in his we've been married for almost 15 years and he loves me way, said ok. I waited a week, and told him my thoughts again. He lamented about the money, the time, and the fact he did not feel the same. I told him again to pray harder. I explained this was not a desire to SAVE a child, but a calling for something bigger than the both of us. I had NO IDEA how we were going to pay the fees to adopt yet another child, but I knew this was the leap of faith we were supposed to take....and then I told him to pray some more.
A few weeks passed and several files later we still had not found a compromise. I still felt something missing, Scott didn't. I had called our agency to check in with Laura. We had to make a decision on Sawyer's process soon. A new list was coming out in about a week and she wanted to go over our list of acceptable needs to make sure she was on the right track for us. It was then I mentioned limb difference/missing digits to her. I heard her hesitate and she asked for clarification. I explained missing fingers, hand, even arm was something we felt we could work with. There was a pause, and then another pause...and then...a statement. She had found a little boy that she felt would be a great fit (he was only 13 months younger than Sawyer) but he wasn't a special focus child so we could not adopt him at the same time as Sawyer. She said she had a great feeling about him but did not want to send me his picture as his file may be secured by the time he transitions to the SF list in 9 days. Do I want her to send the picture and info? Oh, might as well (remember I had looked at several files already). So, she sent me the picture. When I opened the email, I cried. I knew...just like the first time I had seen Samuel's face at birth, Simon's that night so long ago while searching the computer, Sawyer's a few short months ago through an email from our friend at the agency, and now here he was...my 29 banana rule child. I immediately sent the picture to Scott...and then promptly called because patience is not one of my rules. He opened the picture while on the phone with me and said can we get his file? I explained he wasn't special focus yet so we would have to wait and pray for his file to stay on the list long enough for him to transition. He said ok, we would wait. So, I called Laura and she vowed to check it every night.
This was a Monday and the new list was supposed to come out the following Monday. Each day I would come home, turn on the lap top, and pray before opening my email that it would not be bad news. Every day there was no news, I rejoiced. We had received his file and several other pics. I just wanted to pinch is chubby little cheeks off!! Then, Friday night, at about 9:45 the phone rang. It scared me to death and I didn't recognize the number. I said "hello" but I am not sure I got the whole word out before hearing...Sheila, it's Laura and I 'm sorry for calling so late but I just got home and logged and saw Shepherd had been moved to Special focus and I locked his file". I swear I don't think she took a breath!! I squealed, more like screamed, Scott jumped up, then I started to cry and said he's ours! And so began the story of 4 boys - not 3...a bunch of bananas, not 29. A leap of faith to glorify our Lord who created us in His image to love one another.
I often tell people that adoption is the most faith based thing we have ever done. There is no definitive 9 months. The roller coaster of emotions is never ending at times and the fact that you could fall in love with a child who you may never see is truly stepping off the cliff hoping/praying for salvation. Our God is truly an awesome God who provides us with the tools we need. A dear friend told me recently that God had given me a mama's heart. I kind of chuckled as in the back of my mind, I knew that I had never wanted a house full of kids, much less boys. God, however, had a different plan for me and for my family. He laid the path and, even though we tried to stray, He provided us with detours to get back on track. As we await this final step, I am so in awe of the faith the Lord has in me. I am so excited to be a mom and share His love with my sons who will grow in to amazing young men who love our Lord.
