Hard time...

So today I'm having a really hard time with everything. We still do not have our LOA for Shepherd so there is no progress there. It seems to be looking more and more like we will travel later than expected which gets us too close to Sawyer's birthday in this Mama's opinion. There should be no logical reason for it to take this long, but no one ever said international adoption was a logical process. It is dreary outsidem I am tired, and my husband leaves for Germany on Saturday for a week. Life is kind of sucking right now for me.

Do you ever have that feeling that you KNOW God is in charge, but you just want to tweak his plan a bit? That's where I am right now. I am constantly worrying about money, travel, Scott going for one and me for the other, being in China on my own, my two boys who will still be here, bills, and the list goes on and on...I have received several little "clues" from God today such as the FCA devotional in which the first line was "be still and know that I am God". Then my mom said she made something for me which was a cute picture frame with the following saying "Good Morning, This is God! I will be handling all of your problems today. I WILL NOT need your help, so please have a Blessed Day!" Well, slap me silly!! So, why don't I feel a lot better. I think each time I reach for Him, I have to let go of my stressful hold on reality and it feels like I am falling. It's that Leap of Faith thing I have always struggled with...I claim it is because I am afraid of heights but we all know it is because I am a control freak!

So, I am going to have a crappy day today and try to follow the words of one of my favorite professors "hold it with a loose hand", try to give as much to Him as possible and pray that I can let the rest of it go too. I think God can handle my inadequacies. If you have a spare word or two in your prayers today...I would appreciate you throwing my name in there. Some days it's just hard to be a Mama.

Approval...

We received our approval for USCIS today to adopt our two beautiful boys in China!! woohoo!! One more step in the right direction....

One year ago today....

we met our little man for the first time in a hotel lobby in Beijing, China. Although he called me "mama" he was shy and had no clue what was going on in the room. It did not take long before he knew he was being left and and a crying, screaming child emerged that wanted nothing to do with us and just wanted out of that room. Some patience and a DS game later and the ice was broken to the point of tickle fights in bed and dancing to the Jackson Five. What a whirlwind of blessings our life has been since that first day. Our wonderful child, who spoke no English, now not only speaks but reads English on a first grade level. He is a typical 2nd grade boy who is bright, funny, a little stubborn, and adores his older brother. When our social worker asked him if there was anything he wanted her to know during our last home visit, he said he wanted China to know that he was happy and loved his family. Made this Momma's heart swell with pride and love for this little blessing from God. So, today, with 8 inches of snow in Georgia, we celebrate being a family and can't honestly remember what it was like without our little Chinese boy as a part of our family. Thank you God for the big and small blessings you give us each day. May we always remember to appreciate each one as individuals and as a family.

The big'uns

Sometimes, I think we get so caught up in the adoption process, the paperwork chase as well as the longing for the littles, that we forget to recognize our precious babies here at home.

Almost 10 years ago, God blessed us with our home grown son, Samuel, after 3 long years of infertility treatments and heartache. This gift has grown into a kind, tender hearted, affectionate young man with a heart of God, people, animals, you name it. As well as a strong desire for lego building, frog catching, sports playing, and bow shooting. He has his moments as we all do, but his ability to make the transition from an only for so long to a big brother has impressed his father and I beyond our wildest imagination.

Simon was a first gift through adoption and as we reflect on the past year, I see how much he has grown and changed. He really is not the same child we met on that cold January 10th day. He has so much personality now it is hard for him to contain...so much so that he often breaks into spontaneous dance - just because! He is learning to ask for things he needs and even wants without fear, he cries now which is big, and he gives his affection freely and with no need for prompting. Although I know he will always have a heart for China, he seems to be moving past the adjustment phase and is now just a boy. We were a family of three for so long, but it is impossible now to think of our life without him in it.

So, to celebrate the changes in our lives, and to make up for the lack of pictures and posts as of late, here is part of our year in pictures! (oh, and the year is backwards because I couldn't figure out how to edit the pics in blogger - it's kind of like life in reverse!)